New Traditions, Same Love
It happened, the moment I was dreading.
The week before Christmas, a parent might find themselves in a seemingly ordinary moment—like sitting at an orthodontist appointment while their child picks festive colors for braces—when someone cheerfully asks, “What are you doing for Christmas?! Any fun plans?”
For parents spending the holiday apart from their children, answering can feel impossible. Do you say, I won’t be with them this year? Or do you simply say, We’re keeping it low-key? That split second can make you feel exposed, embarrassed, and deeply sad.
Divorce doesn’t just change schedules. It fractures traditions. It rewrites holidays. Routines that once felt automatic—Christmas morning pajamas, special meals, holiday chaos—can turn into reminders of absence and loss.
Whether this is your first holiday season without your children, or one of many, the feelings often remain the same. It’s normal for it to hurt. The ache may appear in mundane places: social media, store displays, or casual conversations with well-meaning friends. These reminders are real, and your feelings are valid.
Here are some ways to navigate this season with care for yourself and your children:
1. Protect your heart.
You don’t owe anyone the full details of your plans. A simple, “We’re keeping things low-key this year” is enough. Boundaries are self-respect, not dishonesty.
2. Allow grief and joy to coexist.
Missing your children deeply doesn’t mean you can’t experience warmth, laughter, or peace. Both feelings can exist at the same time without negating each other.
3. Show love in your time together.
When your children are with you, focus on connection. Celebrate on a different day if you can’t be together on the official holiday. Make that time meaningful, intentional, and full of love.
4. Make the day for self-care.
On the days you don’t have your children, honor your feelings. Let yourself cry if you need to. Treat the day like a mini self-care retreat—light a candle, take a walk, journal, get a massage or do something that nourishes your body and mind.
5. Make the day your own.
Big traditions may feel impossible when your children aren’t with you. Instead, create small, meaningful rituals that honor your feelings and give the day purpose. Light a candle, play your favorite holiday music, enjoy a favorite treat, write a letter to your children (even if you never send it), or finally watch that movie you’ve been wanting to see. You could even book a hotel room or a special space for yourself—treat it like a mini retreat. Allow yourself to cry if you need to, reflect, and nurture yourself. Meaning doesn’t have to be loud or perfect to be healing.
6. Be gentle with yourself.
You may have strategies to handle challenges, but feelings don’t disappear because you know better. Allow yourself to feel, grieve, and process without judgment.
This holiday season may look very different from what you imagined, and that’s okay. Your connection with your children remains, even if the routines and traditions have changed.
If the day feels heavy, lonely, or painful, I want you to hear this clearly: feeling that way doesn’t make you weak, and struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Some seasons are simply about getting through, about holding space for your feelings and showing up for yourself.
Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is survive the day, honor our emotions, and allow love to be expressed in the ways that are possible right now. And that is more than enough.
If any of this rings true for you, please feel free to reach out to me. I can be contacted directly at dina@bettycenterconnect.com, and together we can figure out what might be helpful.