Running in Someone Else’s Shoes: A Reflection on Empathy, Resilience, and Fit

Recently, one of my personal training clients told me a story that stuck with me. She had forgotten her running shoes and ended up borrowing a pair from a friend. At first, it seemed like an easy solution, shoes are shoes, right? But the pair she borrowed was not her size. By the end of her run, her feet were covered in painful blisters, a reminder that even though she accomplished the task, the cost ended with pain and discomfort.

This moment got me thinking about the common phrase, “walking in someone else’s shoes.” It’s a metaphor we use to represent empathy, the ability to imagine and understand another person’s experience. As the phrase goes, “until you walk a mile in someone’s shoes, you shouldn’t judge or make negative comments, because you don’t truly know the challenges they face.”

While the saying is often used figuratively, my client’s experience provided a very real illustration of what this metaphor can teach us about empathy, individuality, and resilience.

The Fit Matters

In my client’s case, she was still able to complete her run, but the fit, and what was meant to support her, was wrong. What was designed to protect and propel her friend ended up causing her pain and discomfort. This is an important reminder: what works seamlessly for one person may be harmful or exhausting for another.

Empathy, then, isn’t simply about stepping into someone else’s shoes. It’s about recognizing that those shoes were built for their feet, not yours. In the same way, someone’s lived reality may feel and look very different from how it appears to outsiders. Even if you manage to walk, or run, in them, your experience won’t mirror theirs.

Unique Realities and Comparisons

When we look at others, it’s tempting to compare our paths:

• “If they can handle that, why can’t I?”

• “They seem to have it all together, what’s wrong with me?”

The truth is, people may be covering the same distance in very different conditions. Some may run the same route but carry heavier weight, face steeper terrain, or lack proper support. From the outside, the “run” looks identical, but the lived reality is entirely different.

This is where empathy calls us to pause. Instead of judging or comparing, we can acknowledge the invisible struggles others may be enduring, even when they appear to be moving forward with ease.

The Lingering Blisters and the Role of Resilience

My client’s blisters didn’t disappear the moment her run was over. They lingered, needing care, time, and healing. And yet, despite the pain, she didn’t stop her training. She adapted, worked through recovery, and continued showing up, ultimately completing her first half marathon, something she had never attempted before.

This is where resilience comes in. Resilience isn’t about moving through life without pain or discomfort, it’s about continuing forward in spite of it. It’s the capacity to adapt when circumstances don’t fit perfectly, to learn from challenges, and to build strength from the process rather than being defeated by it.

In many ways, resilience is what allows us to keep training even when the shoes don’t fit, to keep moving even when blisters form, and to trust that with care and persistence, we’ll grow stronger on the other side.

Performing with Empathy and Resilience 

Resilience in performance isn’t about powering through at all costs—it’s about showing up consistently, adapting when challenges arise, and recovering so you can come back stronger. At the same time, empathy in performance means recognizing that not everyone’s path, pace, or resources look the same, and leading with understanding both for yourself and for others.

Here are a few ways to engage both:

• Build awareness of your mental game. Pay attention to how you respond under stress, whether it’s frustration, comparison, or self-doubt. Resilience grows when you can pause, reframe, and redirect your energy toward what you can control.

• Respect recovery as part of performance. Just like strength training breaks down muscle so it can rebuild stronger, setbacks and struggles require recovery to fuel growth. Prioritizing rest, reflection, and care is what sustains long-term performance.

• Lead with empathy in competition. Remember that teammates, colleagues, or opponents may be carrying struggles you can’t see. Offering encouragement, giving space for mistakes, and modeling composure builds trust and strengthens group resilience.

• Lean on and invest in support systems. High performance is not a solo effort. Surround yourself with people who challenge you, support you, and hold you accountable. At the same time, show up for others—your resilience is reinforced when you also help those around you succeed.

When empathy and resilience come together, performance is not only stronger but also more sustainable. You’re able to stay grounded in your own process while lifting others along the way.

Closing Reflection

The metaphor of “walking in someone else’s shoes” isn’t just about imagining life from another’s perspective. It’s about acknowledging that the fit will never be exact, the comfort will never be the same, and the lingering effects may be invisible to us.

Empathy asks us not to assume we know the pain or ease of another’s journey but to honor that their shoes were designed for them and theirs alone.

The next time you find yourself comparing, judging, or struggling to understand, pause and ask: If I had to run in their shoes, what might I notice about the fit? And how might I offer grace for them and for myself because of it?

If this reflection landed with you, whether you’re carrying blisters of your own, navigating a season that doesn’t quite fit, or trying to rebuild resilience with more compassion than criticism, I’m here to support you.

In my work at Betty Center, I help teens, young adults, high performers, athletes, and anyone feeling stuck in comparison, pressure, or self-doubt reconnect with themselves in a more grounded, values-aligned way. You don’t have to navigate that process alone.

If you’re curious about working together, feel free to reach out for a therapy consult. You can email me at annie@bettycenterconnect.com to see if we might be a good fit.